What 2025 Lenten Season Taught Me?

Before I proceed to my personal reflection regarding Lent Season 2025, let me first assess what was my personal score based on the things I chose to sacrifice during this time of the year. I admit it wasn't perfect, but I could possibly say this is the best performance I did maybe because I really did execute it for some reason.

Lenten Sacrifice

So for this year's Lent, I decided to not post or view any social media (Facebook, Instagram and Twitter or X App) post or stories and also not to drink soda. So let's see how I did and here's hoping you wouldn't think I'm moving goal posts. I'll give a rating from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest. So we begin with soda...

Soda Rating: 10/10

This one is easy in the sense that maybe I could really survive and I kind of did this kind of abstinence before (accidentally as I got sick and I am about to host that year's Christmas party in our company so I need to make sure I don't get a cold). I think if there would be a bigger challenge, it would be sugary drinks, because to be honest avoiding soda is somehow easy. Of course I have to admit that there is a temptation too especially when people in your household would say drink this, drink that. If there is a bit of challenge, it's saying no to them so you'll be able to achieve your personal gain. I am not saying I am ashamed of saying I am trying to fast on something to the world. However, I felt like broadcasting would mean two things: one, saying you are above than the non-practicing ones; two, if you couldn't make it, you would be judged.

So I end up having to say no to them in two instances with one of them not needing to explain why, and the other I need to because my dad was surprised that I was rejecting something I love that's why he asked, so I told him the truth and he respected it.

Social Media (X App) Rating: 6/10

I would admit I cannot avoid this, thus a poor rating. I am playing my fantasy basketball and if I wanted to get a faster news on which players will play, I would need to go to the profile of NBA Underdog since they knew beforehand who would play or not before Yahoo! would update the status of the players. In order to avoid having to constantly check on my phone, I have no choice but to resort on the X App.

I think if I remove the searching for NBA Underdog, I think I could have a better score, but still quite far from perfect. I think I could not avoid the notifications, but I think I did well considering sometimes reading news and comments and probably rants of other people was the one that placed you down the rabbit hole. So by electing not to read those stuff and not have the itch to post anything, it allows you to either stare at people without using your phone, or use your phone on the more important stuff. I am not sure if my almost two-week trip to Toronto helped my cause on not being tempted to read Twitter. I admit it was hard because it seems like your daily news on what players said that would make it to the national sports news and constantly liking the posts of the people that you agree with or you felt seem funny.

Social Media (Instagram) Rating: 9/10

I still open Instagram, but mostly for message especially that's where my online friend and I were chatting. I still opened the app perhaps to confirm follow request, but if we are talking if I read posts, maybe I did, but that's for the informational side and not what my colleagues or friends are up to. If there is something that is nice here was that I was able to save time instead of pressing their stories, I just let it be. I did tell my Taiwan Roommate on what I was doing so at least she wouldn't feel like a bit upset if I suddenly didn't check her stories as what I usually do.

If there is a good thing that's come out of this was there is this less desire or pressure to take random pictures, because sometimes I just take pictures then put a caption on my stories since it would be gone after 24 hours. There is also less desire to post random thoughts based on the videos that you saw.

Social Media (Facebook) Rating: 7/10

I admit I did check FB posts, but for research purposes and I think I liked my Taiwan Roommates' profile picture and I think the one time I was scratching my head and wondered how come some people knew where I was without me even posting on social media or telling them only to find out my friend who lives in Canada posted it. Other than that, I was probably looking at my profile.

I think the not so perfect rating can come from friends I was chatting with who sends videos, so you were like thinking you need to watch it BUT instead of scrolling to the next video, you immediately leave then probably react or discuss about that matter.

Personally, I don't open much at Facebook as you would feel a lot of negative emotions thinking you aren't doing enough or you are questioning your life based on what other people are posting such as them having their milestones achieved, went into another country etc. But it's good that I still don't open it since it would not only eat much time mindlessly scrolling, but also it would affect your emotions depending on what you saw on the feed.

Learnings

It allowed me to thoroughly self-reflect

It was during this lent when a guy already ended the getting to know stage with me almost 3 months. Normally I would either make a quick rant on X app, cry hysterically, wondered what you did wrong again or all of the above, but since as part of the Lenten sacrifice of not posting, it required me to find other means to express the negative feelings that I was going through that time. I think it's helpful that I was on a social media break because for some reason it allowed me to realize what I did wrong. Yes, it may feel like it was out of your control if they were the ones who end things, but I realized that there were times during where I went out with some of these guys that I should have seen those questionable flags that doesn't even match what I was praying for. That instead of walking away and taking control, I let them take control of my fate. I don't know if the closure help that them saying they aren't interested in you that made me stopped crying unlike the one who ghosted me, or the fact that maybe I already re-aligned my views on what's going on made me stopped crying about it? Regardless, I could say it was indeed a quick recovery because maybe your heart is screaming doubts and your intuition is probably upset once again that I am neglecting the screams it's giving me.

Sit and stare

There are times I wondered what else do I need to do with my phone inside the train after reading the gospel for the day, the novena prayer of whatever you felt like praying that time and probably DuoLingo, like what am I aimlessly wondering or using my phone for if I am on social media hiatus? Then the Viber messages the most likely you'll do is to say good morning to the department GC or just mark as read the group messages.

So there are really times where I am just sitting and staring quietly and the only sound you'll hear is the driver of the train and the chatter around you. I felt like it's not that bad like you're not doing anything. I mean it probably allows my mind to wander and actually rest my eyes from constantly looking at the screen.

Ignorance is a Bliss

In social media, people have different ways of posting and consuming social media. Some they have different reasons why they do that. So whatever they posted, it's up to the viewers on what they do about it, how they react about it. My point here was if you are currently feeling sad and you suddenly saw some posts where they are happy on what you don't have (or you longed to have), you would even feel worse about yourself. Like in my case, the guy ended things with you and you saw how husbands or guys treat their partners and you wonder if someone would treat you that way too and you'll end up crying - again for no reason (or logically petty).

Explanation is not needed... or maybe to select few only

I remember an MBA classmate of mine suddenly messaged and wondered if I am even alive... because I forgot to greet him on his birthday. Like I said, I chose to not engage in social media and it's really possible that I would forget to greet some people even if I knew when was his birthday if you ask me point blank... or I was so preoccupied with my life as his birthday is barely a week before my Canada trip. I didn't need or want to explain to this person that I wasn't posting because I chose it as my sacrifice.

If I remember it right, there were only two or three people that's not a member of our household who knew what was going on during Lent. I know some people broadcasted that they will do a social media hiatus, while I opt to not tell anyone and just silently do it by myself.

Shifting Priorities

I think if there is something good out of this was I think I was able to write more of like this. By writing, it allows me to reflect on the things that I wanted to express that is not sufficient to post on the X app or unnecessary to post on Instagram stories.

Like I previously said, there is no pressure to post, to compost. If I posted about the new food I ate or I ate before but no record on my social media, I just take a picture and when post-Easter comes, I just compile it. At least I don't need to flood much to people that keeps on seeing my post food. Maybe I could adjust to lumpsum my food posts maybe every week or what since my purpose of the food post was to show people how the food looks like.

Aside from this, for some reason, I think I also cried during the Holy Week, not because of some guy breaking your heart, but I think it's general like I was watching on TV where people share their stories on how they get through their struggles in their life. Like some guy was declared dead, but alive and decided to reform. Then a married woman aborted her child and became a changed woman. Then someone from FCCYA sent a video as a means of our reflection and also doing the station of the cross with my mom, which is for some reason the words on the Station of the Cross struck me enough for me to cry and maybe understanding what was these all about.

Conclusion

Overall, I know I was somehow back to square one in trying to get to know someone since everything you built at the start of the year fell apart, but that's okay. I am really thankful that I took this year's Lenten Season very seriously. Yes I cried, but at least I didn't cry for being unwanted... maybe some days, but I know for sure that I am crying for something far greater and important than a prospective spousal love. I don't know if that would come, but at least what I know for now was the things I learned during this Lenten Season made me a stronger person and a more determined one.

It Finally Struck Me

Year after year, we used to do the Way of the Cross every Maundy Thursday as a family until it's only me and my mom who were doing it together for this year.

I knew doing the Visita Iglesia for some practicing Catholics in this country has been the norm. Then I noticed for some reason some people were struck emotionally as they journey through different churches doing the station of the cross. I even saw a lad who after their family's station of the cross that he started to hug each and every one of his family members. I think for me and my mom maybe we felt like thinking what just happened there?

For this year, I think this year's Visita Iglesia hits different on me. Well aside from realizing that I wasn't even listening to my own prayer mantra on finding a spouse (praying that I wanted a pure Chinese practicing Catholic who will love me as me without me settling for less), but I still keep on entertaining or going out with a guy who left me at the church instead of joining me to hear mass as we parted ways despite him being a Catholic by name, yet not practicing one until he said we just settle being friends. I guess rejection is rejection, but the fact that I wasn't practicing what I've prayed for is what gets me into trouble every single time - especially the last one.

It hits different in the sense that I was digesting the words that I was reading from the story, to reflection and to the prayer. For all the years I did this, I never cried until yesterday. What struck me the most was during the second station (The Agony in Gethsemane), where Jesus was praying so earnestly and  he kept on praying to his Father saying 

"My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass me by. Still, let it be as you would have it, not as I." 

I knew my mom was the one reading it aloud that time and I admit I was trying to get back to the phrase and I realized a lot of things from that phrase alone.

It made me realize that there's a reason why preachers and pastors kept on saying that we should be like Jesus. I know it is very impossible to be like Jesus, but reading those lines makes me realize that Jesus is a human made in the image of God. I am not saying that He makes mistake etc., but I think it's more of he is human in the sense that what we are experiencing, he also experienced. He experienced fear much like as we experience fear whenever there's a trial in our life. The line also mentioned that He is also trusting His Father to do what needs to be done. The good thing about Jesus being a son of God too was He could see the future... see the future in the sense of He knows He needs to endure the suffering from mankind and die on the cross so that all sins will be forgiven. It's just that it seems to be hard to phantom for someone to deal with that without knowing what the future holds. I mean if we are asked to do the same thing, are we going to surrender ourselves to the Lord and let His will be done? Or we would run away from it?

I realized maybe sometimes things has to happen and it has to be at the right time. If we kept on reading the Gospel during Lent, Jesus kept on saying to his disciples that the hour has not yet arrived, so He was able to get away from the Pharisees and people who wanted him to be in prison - until the Holy Week has arrived where Jesus knew that his time is about to come from saying that there will be a traitor among the Apostles until Judas sold Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

The difference was, Jesus knew that He has to make a decision on whether He would heed His Father's will to save humanity and whatever His decision will be will go through. Unlike us normal human beings, we sometimes have to retrospect things just for us to realize that it make sense. That things have to happen in order to achieve the one God wanted to happen. I mean one instance where I couldn't understand why I needed to get emotionally hurt badly only for me to retrospect months later that God has set me something up for a greater good - that sinking rock-bottom would allow me to find the Spiritual home my heart was yearning for. I think if I'm not mistaken, I think I just gave up on the idea that maybe there's no such thing or I was probably asking for too much until I met friends in the Chinese community who would help me lead me to the home I never imagined.

As for my current sufferings or struggles, I don't know what the future holds for me - why I kept on failing the same thing - well I think as of now all I know is that I'm wide awake (enter singing Katy Perry's song) that if I don't get my act together, God would really take my future husband away from me - for good.

Right now, I think the continuous crying from Maundy Thursday until Good Friday either through the Station of the Cross Journey or to listening to testimonials from people on how God showed His love them sure did some internal cleaning on my part to realize that as long as we have the Holy Trinity in our side - that we kept on believing and trusting in them, we should be fine. I think if there is something we should pick up was Jesus' whole trust on His Father that even if He would suffer greatly in the hands of the soldiers and the people who wanted him to be crucified, that He knew His Father will be by his side. I guess similar to how parents let their children fail on the petty things in life so they become stronger - like they allow them to fall from riding a bike and let them get up on their own. It also made me realize how many times my mother let me suffer things by myself through a lot of disasters because she knew that those mistakes that I would be doing wouldn't define who I am - but how I recover or get up from those failures would define who I am. I know deep down she is very proud of who I am right now and I think she never imagine that I would be doing wonders.

So I guess the saying in every song where you like the beat when you're happy and feel the lyrics when your sad is true. I mean if before I was just going through the motions on reading aloud the Stations of the Cross, right now armed with a Spiritual home plus the pain you've been through, the words became more meaningful - and it finally struck me.