Rules Overload!

This was supposed to be posted a very long time ago [maybe almost 3 months], but for some reason I wasn't able to properly start it due to various reasons. Now as I try to test if my old laptop [or very first laptop that I can call my own that survived three theses writing] could probably survive another thesis writing from a possible user that I plan to lend to despite it's replaced hard disk and quite outdated hardware. Also, putting a goal wherein I wanted this posted first before posting my Vietnam trip on social media.

So, here it goes...

After I finally put into practice last year's Lenten sacrifices, I decided to do it once again, but this time setting exemptions as Lent came early and it was during the love month where there are a lot of events in our community.

If last year, I only limited it to social media usage and eating sweets, this time I tried to include junk foods especially my favorite ones such as chips and most especially the French fries of Potato Corner and Potato Giant or what I call potpots.

As for my sweets, last year I realized that not drinking softdrinks seems to be a very easy feat, because there's an alternative or substitute to satisfy your sweet cravings and maybe during that time where I'm in Toronto for almost two weeks, I end up trying their drinks such as milkshakes instead of the usual softdrinks on their combo meals just to ensure I still get to follow my supposed Lenten sacrifice. I mean I think instead of somehow supposed to make you lose weight, I end up gaining the biggest possible weight (well I guess their servings are also big and you don't want to waste food). That's why this year, I wanted to eliminate all sweets except for fruits... and also if there were cocktails that's part of the activity that you paid for quite a huge amount, you'll drink. Lol!

Then as for my social media usage, I noticed that I haven't been sleeping well or sleeping late because of chatting with a different bunch of people or groups, etc. So I decided to put a time limit on chatting with anybody.

The Verdict:

In my photo, you saw that I listed three major goals for the Lent and perhaps I'll write my possible reflection during this journey.

1. Social media usage:

I think this year I didn't do well as compared to last year. I know I did violate some things such as viewed some people's stories, accidentally liking posts or even intentionally watching the videos they posted for support. I think the worst of all was some of the accounts I follow on Instagram, I noticed they're also on YouTube. So the tendency was instead of using Instagram as a platform to watch the videos that I'm not supposed to watch, I end up watching it on YouTube.

As for my X usage, I think I was able to manage well, but of course there are times where I'm not supposed to read the comments of the people after the headlines, but I end up reading some of it.

As for Facebook and Instagram, I think I did well sans the circumventing part. But I managed not to post anything during the period.

Reflection/Possible Improvement: Overall, I think I did well or maybe I can still watch this one account that normally shows up on Instagram but it's also available on Youtube. After all, my purpose for subscribing these YouTube accounts is for learning except this one account where I was able to circumvent it. Or if someone tag me needing for support, maybe just maybe we could make an exception during the period. Like inviting people to support their activity that falls during Lent or maybe support your vlogger friends.

2. Junk foods:

If I adhere the rules I made here, I think I was almost perfect in here, maybe the downside was I have no choice but to tell people who were offering me the food that I don't plan to eat that I'm on a Lenten sacrifice which I really, really try my best not to broadcast to people, but what can I do? I mean they're offering my favorite Potato Corner and my friends know I wouldn't resist it. If I said I don't like to eat, they would be wondering then tease me for not eating if I didn't give a reason. When I said my reason, I know they somehow did tease me, but doing that gave me a bit of a reason to fight temptation. There was one point wherein they asked me to hold the Tera Fries of the Potato Corner while they eat and drink. I know I didn't get tempted - maybe I did but not enough to probably violate it.

As for the sweets, well I am not sure if you can say that if there's no sugar in it, can you eat it even if it's not a literally fruit? I feel like, if they said it's pure fruit that was formed in another food, is that considered as a fruit that has fructose or a sweet?

Reflection/Possible Improvement: The funny thing about this year's Lent was I think withholding sweets for more than a month was like cleaning my palette; however, it didn't take much effect with salt as salt is part of your BLD (breakfast, lunch, dinner) dishes.

I remember the first time I ordered a milk tea after Easter (not exactly after but I prolonged it into a few more days), when I ordered that the sugar is normal or I think it's 50% or 70% sugar, my taste buds seemed to be screaming "It's too sweet!" as I drink it instead of thinking "I miss this!". It's like I can't finish a drink anymore that whenever I pass a person begging for food, I just give the drink away. I know that's quite insincere idea, but I guess I was torn with wasting it or giving it to someone else whom I think would somehow need it and I chose the later.

As for the salt, I don't know if I became more addicted or because I didn't even have a salt or MSG reset. Like yes I managed not to eat junk food or even instant noodles, but it didn't dodge me from eating canned food as part of our BLD. I guess the reason is I don't cook the food, so that means I can't decide what food to eat or not to eat.

I guess I could continue where I left off in terms of sweets, but as for the junk foods or salty ones, maybe it's a matter of limiting what you would eat even after Lent.

3. Answer Messages After 8pm:

I knew I placed exemptions, but I guess the problem here is what's the boundary or when it's considered you can open message after 8pm despite the exemptions? Because sometimes you need to open those messages because this person or that person need to update stuff.

I mean last year when I didn't post anything on social media, people thought if I'm still alive (well I just made sure I remember those people whose birthday is during Lent so I can greet them and they won't think I'm dead), this year I got accused of ghosting when I didn't reply after 8pm. Lol! I mean next year if I perfected it (since this is just my first time), I don't know what would people think this time.

Reflection/Possible Improvement: I actually have no idea what to do about it. I just know I didn't do well, perhaps it's the first time doing it or the parameters aren't strictly enforced. After all I think messaging is a very tricky one. Like most of the people you know, you converse them with Messenger, while when it comes to work, there's Viber where you also know that there's a clear boundary on when you would be able to communicate with them. Add to the fact that it was a last minute add or a rush add just to make sure you imposed it before Ash Wednesday. It's like you know you need it, but you don't know how you do about it. I think it's a good thing to include this once again, but I think there should be a clearer parameters when it comes to this since this is a very, very tricky situation.

Final Thoughts:

Overall, I think doing this is such a fun activity, it's like something you look forward to. As one of my colleague said in their sharing, you don't need to wait for the start of the year to start changing things. If you can't start at the start of the year, perhaps you could start in Chinese New Year, or maybe Lent or maybe within this week as we are about to approach the second half of the year. Oh how time flies isn't it?

Posting this now as I prepare for my next blog!

Imbalanced Scale

As I gained more experience in getting to know the guys I went out with and woke up to the idea that if I don't figure things out myself, I would end up with the perennial cycle of bad dating habits and God might take my future husband away from me because He can't make him wait a little longer. I kept on telling myself that I need to get my act together.

I focused on that until I met probably the most hardcore Atheist that defied your newly formed mantra, but at the same time the what if is looming if you don't take a chance on someone you encountered unexpectedly. After all, everybody wanted a nice story to tell on how they met. It was a very struggling one where the desire to be closer to God or try to separate Him for the sake of having your first relationship that has been offered freely on your plate. Eventually I chose to end it as there was unrest in that phase of my dating life with him.

Then came another guy out of nowhere from one of the events I attended last year. So bizarre that I wasn't giving a crap on whoever is at the event that caught my eye and adding almost everyone on Facebook regardless of gender until there was an another event where I'm so competitive that I almost made our group table won against their table where one of the close male friends I gained from way back was representing their table. We started from me asking if I could add him on Facebook (so to others), then he sent a message if I would attend the next event until after what transpired with the next event where we started to shift away from the events conversation and more of a bit personal info about ourselves. One info I learned initially was we both practice the same faith and he serves the church. In my mind, I already know that this guy is interesting to get to know as I feel like someone like him is so rare to find until he randomly asked me out for a lunch at one of his childhood restaurants. I think it's my first time (outside of blind dates) to meet with someone who I didn't even know the exact age. It's him serving the church and both of us are practicing made me agree to go out with him without hesitation.

The first time we went out, it seems like time is so short even if we both figured out that we had such a huge gap in age. I felt peace when I was with him... Maybe the peace where I'm happy that I can finally talk about God without putting Him aside, but, when he was computing our age gap, I thought that this might be over and I'm also okay with that.

However, that wasn't the case as we still chose to see each other and we normally felt that time wasn't enough until reality strikes where you are not dealing with the huge age gap, you are dealing with financial constraints and your career and lifestyle differences.

It's just frustrating that you know deep down that it's hard to find someone like him; yet you were given a huge obstacle where there is a huge imbalance between the spiritual needs and the financial needs to survive a newly formed family.

If I would recount all the guys I went out with and another guy that I met this year but I eventually turned down due to the misalignment of spiritual goals, it seems like they could offer the financial aspect, but you would have to give up the desire to be spiritually in-sync in serving God.

I think the guy whom I thought gave me peace or who I was wondering if that was the guy that I'll be marrying end up leaving without any parting words. I know it's called ghosting, but it's more of perhaps we both knew that it has something to do with mismatched finances or the difference in the desire to have kids that is in correlation with difference in human timeline.

I'm happy that some of the people I've met were able to marry the one they wanted. I am very positive that they are both spiritually and financially in-sync, thus having a balance between the two crucial scales of discerning marriage.

However, that's not my case, I noticed I either end up with a guy who would be willing to give all the financial aspect of it such as treating you to nice dinners or dessert, but they would not want to get involved in such activity where you show your love to the Lord; or I end up with someone who love the Lord so much, but does not have a concreate plan on how he would lead the family based on his current resources.

Like maybe for some guys that are financially a bit well off, but lacking in spiritual relationship with the Lord (regardless of their chosen faith), they would call you out for being overthinking. A part of you wish that you have a strong personality that you can will your children to serve the Lord and turn the other eye away from what your husband is doing. Or to make life easier, you succumb to what the world was clinging into so that you would have easier access to what your heart desires.

Funny when I've been telling two of the previous guys I went out with, if only you guys met me pre-pandemic, we wouldn't even be talking about these things... because during those times, as long as they meet my criteria, there's no point in discussing about faith. However, during pandemic, that's where I realized maybe the reason why God didn't give me the type of a man I was looking for (it usually lacks one of the three initial criteria that I have - usually the height) was He knew I'll fall for it and I might possibly even be drifted away from Him, especially if I realized my relationship with Him was not as strong as I thought it was. So now, God is probably confident that I would not get swayed, maybe if I did for a bit, he knew that I'll probably choose Him in the end. I know I sometimes cry out of frustration that the solution of the problems of getting your first relationship is easy, but you know you can't take that route because it's not something that aligns with God's plan for you and we know if we go against God's wishes, the suffering would become harder to face. 

When my mom heard what I said, she asked me, do you like to go back to where you're from [in terms of your faith with God]? Do you regret with the path you've chosen? [reading the gospel, voluntarily received the Sacrament of confirmation at an old age and praying before meals] When she asked those things to me, I said I don't regret anything. Like I like where I am right now [in terms of serving God]. Then she replied, stay on course.

Her words made me feel that I shouldn't be giving up that there's still hope that there's someone out there for me. Maybe the guy that I enjoyed being with spiritually was perhaps a sign that there's a possibility, but he was not the one that God intended for me as for me not to lose hope on such things.

I don't know what God's plan was for me, but I really hope that He would give me the balanced scale where I am spiritually in-synced with, at the same time he would give you enough financial cushion that you don't need to downgrade your already simple lifestyle just for the sake of spiritual nourishment.