Monday, September 23, 2024

Journeying Home: Embracing Faith, Hope, and Charity (A Filipino-Chinese Catholic Experience)

If there was something I learned the past year were these major points:

A. God will eventually give you what your heart desire (for as long as it's good for you). It's just has to be on His terms and perfect time, not ours.

B. God will not give us challenges that we cannot face - even if it means you hit rock bottom and you feel like you can never recover from that situation. In fact, He was actually helping you by showing you the way, you just have to trust Him enough and bravely walk towards where He wants to lead you.

C. You cannot keep on doing the same thing and expect a different result. Or as one of the Fil-Chi singles group organizers said, "You have to do something different in order to get something different in life."

D. Everything happens for a reason and I still believe that saying until now.


Pandemic made me realize that my faith in God wasn't as strong as I thought it was. As I tried to strengthen my faith, I felt like something was missing - I felt like I was serving Him alone culturally and spiritually. I know some people would say there's this group and that group that you could join to have the sense of belongingness, but the thing was you cannot wear one mask while withholding some parts of you because you are worried on how they will respond to the situation. I felt like I don't have an identity where I could converge myself being a Fil-Chi and a Catholic at the same time. It's like you either have to give up one or the other just to have the sense of belongingness in the community.

Until I hit the rock bottom phase. That phase where I ended up having a scratch on my eyelids due to using tissue or towel to wipe off the tears that never stopped pouring. That phase where I just said I cannot go to one of my college friend's child dedication without explaining why because I knew deep down that I would either rant or cry to this one family (who knew the whole story of how I ended up in rock bottom) along the trip to the venue or I would have a bunch of pangs of sadness as I see them all enjoying a lot of stuff with their respective families and you wonder if you would have yours and who knew that tears would suddenly pour down and people around would wonder why and the last thing you would want to happen was you spreading negativity or loneliness on such as beautiful occasion. I knew that this family - especially this particular friend who knew the crap that I have gone through was so worried about me and I was just pulling the Ennui mode of my emotion telling her that I'm fine - even if I am not just to not make her worry. That phase where reading Dr. Nicole Lepera's posts on the X app became even more valuable. Who knew that she was mentioning things that never struck me that much until that time when I was at rock bottom - that you are literally following her tips because you felt like you are in freezing mode and you need to go out to walk while shaking your hands. That phase where my mom doesn't know how to help me and I said I wanted to go to a Psychiatrist who I thought would help me with what I am going through - because how are you going to have a happy ending if you felt like there's a big boulder that I felt I cannot remove (that is the stigma that is involving my condition that I didn't choose).

They say when you hit rock bottom there are two things you could have done: Continue to wallow in pain and sorrow OR, get up and do something positively different - and I did the latter.

Who knew that bravely attending that one Fil-Chi singles' event on that fateful December of last year would be the gateway on experiencing the things that you never thought you could imagine in your wildest dreams. It was the gateway for me to find the home that I have never thought existed in terms of serving Him spiritually in a community who was raised in the same culture as you.

The gateway? Gaining new friends - friends who would eventually lead you in getting what your heart's desire. That one new friend (Rachel) extended an invitation for me to attend a Filipino-Chinese Catholic Young Adults (FCCYA) National Gathering for three days in Antipolo. I never thought twice about this invitation and agreed to join them (well transportation was indeed an issue, but they resolved it quickly.).

It was funny that this year's FCCYA's theme was Journeying Home, but maybe for my case it was more of someone from the Fil-Chi event learned through our private conversations that I was probably a lost girl aimlessly wandering around looking for a home spiritually and she decided to invite me as we journey together back home serving Him together with other Fil-Chi Catholics in one community 😅.

Thank you so much Rachel for inviting me to join the conference! Thank you for the Sy and Limyuen siblings for adopting me during the trip, the CIRVYS group I formed (Conrad, Achi IC, Rachel, Vanee, Achi Yanyan) and to all the people there who made me feel welcome during the 3-day activity. Lastly, thank you for my COO who has been an ever-supporting boss that when he knew I am going to this kind of a trip, he was so happy for me because at least now, he knew that it would be one step for me to become closer not only to God, but also maybe who knows I might end up looking for my future one, who might also be probably lost like me.

Looking back, I was like thinking I've been doing research for more than a decade at work, and I wondered why in the world did I never thought of doing a research about Filipino-Chinese Catholics? It was a simple Google search like how you search for different things with only your fingers. I mean I was able to obtain information for the more complicated work-related stuff, why can't I find this or even attempted to find it? Then maybe I realized I might not have the urge to attend this - even if I found out about it. Come to think of it, for someone whose MBTI personality is most resistant to change and being thrown in a situation without any safety net; add to the fact that you probably have parents who have zero idea about it (like who are these people?) - I don't think they would even allow me to go without them knowing anybody that would make them at ease.

Maybe I can say now I knew why it made sense that I hit rock bottom (or what He orchestrated so I could hit rock bottom), because maybe God knew I am going to do something about it (through His guidance) and I can say it was paying a huge dividends right now.

They say if God took something away from you or He put you off track, it's because He will either give you something better or He would put you in a much better path that you never thought of.

It was indeed a wonderful and memorable experience that I would cherish forever and I'm finally home. 😊

#fccya12

Friday, September 13, 2024

When Irrationality Turned Into a Blessing

Last blog, I mentioned that I felt like my Psychology Professors thought that it was kinda dumb idea to drop my two major subjects in order to dodge department probation if I would just take the C and passing grade of D. Well I don’t know if you can say that people in your same batch in terms of Psychology majors wanted you to get delayed or they just knew how scary it was if you received probation. I mean I knew how hard it was for my fellow blockmate that also majored in Psychology that she has to keep pushing herself to get one grade higher than the bare minimum quota for the department. I was thinking I already got sick trying to keep up with the bare minimum quota, what more if I have to strive harder to get the above minimum quota? So maybe I was thinking I needed to rest. I know financially it was a stupid move (thus where I think the dumb move came from) and maybe you are not believing in yourself that you could make it. Then the semester after I got sick, I ended up getting delayed so I wouldn’t get confused with my major subjects from both of my courses. I consulted with my parents that maybe delaying for 1 year is probably the best option. I didn’t stop attending school, it’s just that I delayed on choosing my major subject in commerce as I sort out my pending major subjects in Psychology, then get the remaining general business courses for my Commerce so by the time I get to choose my major in Commerce, I just need to focus on the major subjects of Comemrce. As much as it hurts, but they weren’t mad about it because health is more important right?

So came the difficult part for probably 2-3 years. Every family reunion when relatives ask you when you are graduating… you either go the route of telling the truth you have to study for 6 years (because a 5-year course is already difficult to explain), or you would say other random stuff to confuse them. Then you have your high school batchmates and college peers who are already posting their togas as they are already “Gradwaiting”

A difficult 2.5 years indeed. You may be wondering where the blessing is then?

Well here is the fun part. I felt like I was living the best time of my life as a college student. Maybe some people would think of partying or stuff, but no I wasn’t referring to that. I refer to the things I never imagined I would do, but did. I thought I could replicate my performance in 4th year high school towards college… I not only replicated it, but I did better.

Imagine if I pushed my academics to get under probation just to graduate on time? I don’t know for some reason I might feel like a failure or just an ordinary student who would settle for a low position in the organization or nothing at all and be part of the committee. I know for some people they would have joked that you just delayed so you get to experience being an organization president? I mean in the first place why would you plan such an absurd idea right?

What I am trying to say is that if I have the natural path of being a college student whether choosing a 4 or 5-year track, I would admit that the competition is tough - very tough. Nobody is going to vote for someone who is a pure-blooded Chinese with a Filipino Citizenship going against a Filipino-dominated community.

Fresh off being a club leader in high school, you know that you have to start from the bottom hoping that you’ll end up on top by the time you are in your graduating year. Mostly the jumping point to be on the very top is being a class representative (or class rep as what we call). However because it’s college, I think my mom didn’t want me to vie for that position because you don’t know who you are dealing with in a new environment, new culture and new people. My Scholastican alumna neighbor also discouraged me to become one too, so I knew I wouldn’t get that position - which eventually came true as the junior or senior student organization officers said they would discourage students studying double degree majors to become class representatives so our representative was our political science blockmate.

Meanwhile when it comes to organizations and societies, there’s the mandatory membership that is tied up to your academic course and the interest organization. You can also join other academic organizations even if it’s not related to your course. Typical first year trying to navigate through, aside from paying for the mandatory membership fee for my Double-Majors Society, my mom also gave me money so I can join whichever I wanted. I eventually joined Peer Facilitator’s Club (the club where the one who marshaled us during the first year orientation. Hey, I have to go to something familiar.)

Fast forward to the end of my freshmen year with us experiencing instability of changing leadership positions every semester, we are bracing for another change in leadership position due to our Literature major class representative needing to take a break from studying. Being the oldest in our block, she was like our big sister to us. I remember it was at McDonald’s Vito Cruz we were discussing this as the term ends and on to summer break. I guess from her point of view, she knew our block was screwed because somebody had to step up, and with the constraints she mentioned, she would be begging anyone from Literature and Political Science students (sans the one who got removed by the council) to take over. At that time we were like why don’t we just choose our Political Science blockmate to lead us? She has leadership in her veins only for the then class rep to say she is not on board with the idea of her leading the block. Imagine our then class rep eliminating us double majors, scholars, people who are extremely busy outside school, and you cannot ask our foreigner nun blockmate to lead us. I would say it was indeed a disaster. I mean it was not our then class rep’s control on who we choose to replace her. Our mind knows who to choose already even if it’s against her will until this said blockmate of ours sent us a group message stating that her parents didn’t allow her to lead the block due to underperforming in her academics.

We were like oh well let’s just cross the bridge when we get there until a new academic class starts and in that school gymnasium, I remembered when our PE professor asked us who is our class representative that my blockmate mentioned my name. I accepted it because if I didn't, who the heck would take over? I would admit I partially wanted that class representative position so bad because through observation and the crap I’ve been through because of my then class representative that very first year almost made me fail the NSTP class by losing my parent’s signed permit (that I ended up having to bring my mom to school and explained the situation to the professor. My mom didn’t even say a word and just stood 2 feet away. After the professor was convinced, I submitted the written explanation with my mom’s signature to her) and also thought I was responsible for losing my own convocation card (it’s like a point card every time we attend a major activity. So I have to buy another one and would either convince any authorized signatory that I did attend their event or I have to make-up for the missed event) only to find out when there was a change in leadership position on our block that my convocation card has been with them all along as we received our exam permits and I ended up having two convocation cards in possession. Well I guess the blessing there was we had an irregular classmate in one of our subjects who did not complete the number of points needed so I gave her the newer one.

The class rep position? I held it until all my blockmates and core coursemates graduated except for that one semester where I let my blockmate take over (it was a blessing in disguise too as I did not know I’ll end up getting hospitalized that semester that led to us discussing this). By the time they all finished, I joined my lower batch double major blockmates as we are all on the same track by then and of course I really like my class representative then. I just made sure I do my part to make her life easier as our class representative because I know being a class representative for double degree majors with varying specialty is not an easy feat. It’s like catering to a few babies but all with different and demanding needs unlike catering to many babies but they exactly have the same needs.

As for the extra-curricular activities? Now this gets interesting. So by the time I entered Sophomore year, I actually had an organizational position in my academic organization. It was short-lived because I didn’t expect that I would also be a class representative so I resigned to the organization position as my mom felt being a class representative is more valuable than being a head of souvenirs or something (See I forgot my position. Lol!). During that same year on recruitment week, I learned that Peer Facilitator’s Club was already dissolved. So I was like oh I’ll just join my academic organization and that’s it. Then during recruitment week, a male classmate of mine (yes there’s male students in St. Scho then but as long as it’s music or Fine Arts) would suddenly ask me to come along only to find out the officers of that organization would like to recruit me to become a member. I think I was given money to join whichever I wanted. I was like okay I’ll join Environment Society (or what we call Envisoc). Little did I know that saying yes in joining would spearhead my extra-curricular life for the rest of my stay in college and eventually become my jumpstart in the corporate world.

As the years go by and get immersed in various organizations so you already know the pattern on how things work. At this point you already start dreaming and hoping if one day you’ll become an organization president. Maybe in my heart I felt not getting a presidential position would be a failure to me especially because I felt I ended up on a positive note as I graduated from high school. I was a club president and also a class president when I graduated in high school. However things are getting uncertain, then you wonder if you’ll make it. If I look at my academic affiliation, I don’t think I’ll make it. I knew my blockmate who has the same liberal arts major as me would be the one most likely to take over when one of us has to become a president of that organization. She’s been there since the first year while I… I end up resigning to a small position (what more if it’s a bigger one right?) and for some reason I don’t know why I wasn’t able to attend that general assembly when they already started voting for a new set of officers for the next year. I remember my blockmates told me that I should attend next time so I’ll have a position in that org. It was an unfortunate circumstance that that was the last time our organization would exist as we didn’t meet the quota required by the student affairs office.

Meanwhile in Envisoc, I also learned that the organization was under probation when I joined, but there were movements there and I joined and helped some of those activities. For some reason I remembered that I think I almost wanted to quit and didn’t want to attend their acquaintance party (because it’s at night), but I’m glad I didn’t. To be honest I never thought of leading an interest organization because my mind knew who would become a president there one day. However, the day of the elections of Envisoc, they elected me as a treasurer. Not only that, the one who I thought would lead the org one day mentioned she cannot be elected because she will focus on one day leading her academic affiliation.

During my time in Envisoc as a newly minted officer, it came at a time where there is a surge of mass communication students joining the organization. I think it was probably the set of officers there were able to recruit members from their own course. That year we can probably say a year we can forget since we severely underperformed as an organization. Maybe you can just say some people knew in their heart that they are not really fit to run the organization even if they have enough experience, but they accepted it. It also means some people are meant to perform better as a supporter than as a leader - and that’s okay. Then the then president that time chose to demote herself back to the position she knew she thrived so well - in fact that position garnered her as one of the best non-presidents in the organization. Then she promoted me as an Internal Vice President (IVP) with someone from the Mass Communications dept taking over as the president.

That year, I could say we are a bit thriving because of our leader. During that time, it was the fourth year of my school year and my 3rd time as a member of the organization. However, things are getting tricky, our then president and I are theoretically going to graduate at the same time if things run smoothly on my end academically with both of us having one academic year left. Knowing that I am one position away from being a president, I felt like I need to get that if indeed the rumors of her running for the student council position is real. I felt like how am I supposed to get that when I don’t have anybody to support me while there was a threat that an officer of the student council would actually gun that position? I mean my blockmate friends can only console and give advice but they cannot vote for me since they are not members of the organization. I felt like a demotion is going to be a slap on my face. Thankfully, my guidance counselor put me in my right senses. When I sought for her consultation about my issues she said I just got hospitalized, can my body handle the stress if I’m an org president? Then she said what are your actual plans if you are the president. This alone made me realize that I didn’t have any concrete plans. I just wanted to get that position and was thinking it would be whatever. In the end my counselor told me, even if our organization was dominated by mass communication students, if they see my value in the organization, they will vote for me no matter what my course is.

What the counselor said was indeed true. I got demoted back to Treasurer - a position where no one dared to take because of money and trust involved. It was a set-back, but not a major one because still getting the top 5 position despite going against odds was a miracle. It indeed helped that I was the org treasurer before, a business student and also of Chinese descent since they usually associate Chinese with being good in math anyways. The one who wanted to lead the organization indeed became our president.

As the new school year starts, I think being demoted was the best decision that happened in my academic life. Our president, who used to be part of the student council, was indeed a blessing for me and the organization. While she can trust me with money matters that I am not cheating on them even if she was joking that she kept on signing financial reports without understanding a single thing that I might be selling her, she helped me take advantage of the privilege the organization could do in terms of finances. Who knew we could get money from the student affair’s budget aside from the membership fees we get every recruitment week? (Of course for as long as it met with the school’s criteria like honorarium etc). Not only that, she together with our moderator helped give me structure.

During the same school year, I got to know my new set of classmates in my Commerce major. There were six of us and those five of them were somehow somewhere together for a certain period of time. As I converse with one of the higher level students of my commerce major regarding the organization, perhaps I was aimlessly wondering what would be my next move in terms of extra curricular? I knew that they were only six of us who can vie for the president position of the said organization. I somewhat had an experience when it comes to leading a computer-related organization in my high school years. It wasn’t perfect - in fact it was bad, but I felt if I would be given another chance, I would be more prepared on what’s to come. Then as the senior officers of my academic commerce organization which we call Business and Information Technology Society or BITS set up a meeting with us, there were some vacant positions that were handed down to us. I got the position of Assistant Outreach Liaison Officer (or Assistant OLO). From the position itself I knew it has something to do with finding places where we could do some outreach activities.

At the start of the first few months, it seems like our then president of Envisoc once mentioned that if I stayed in the organization for a long time, maybe it’s time for me to take the mantle from her once she graduates as I still have one more year left. Then there was the possibility that you can also take the president position of BITS since I felt like I would be the one that the moderators and my commerce major professors wanted to take over. I knew that there was a rule that if you are going to gun for the presidency of any position in the school, you can only take one while giving up on the other with no cushion of getting a lower position if everything fails. If I am going to use my brain, it would really make sense for my career if I gun for the academic organization position versus an interest position as it would show on your resume that you lead an academic organization. However, I realize that I would be going against my classmates who have been together through thick or thin prior to choosing their major subject in commerce. Being two years older than most of them, it would mean I have more experience than them when it comes to managing academics and extracurriculars. Then you factor into how much these people would actually help you if you were indeed chosen to become the president. On the other hand, gunning for the Envisoc presidential position is no cakewalk. I already knew who would be the “threat” to take over the position. She was new in the organization (as far as my knowledge is concerned), but she have enough votes to pull it off due to having most members coming from their course if it would come between the two of us. So many questions and decisions to make.

As the year is about to end, various organizations and also the student council held their respective elections. This was the time I had to make a decision. Either give up your dreams of leading in any school organization while setting for a guaranteed spot at your academic organization to prop up your resume or put all your eggs in one basket to the one your heart was yearning for and fight. Like I said the unspoken school rule was if you are running for any student council position or any presidential position in the school organization, you cannot run for any other position including guaranteed cushions of lower positions. In the end, through the support of my original blockmates and my commerce blockmates, I decided to choose my heart over what would look good in my resume - my career. I decided to run for Environment Society President and gave up the idea of running (or going against) any one of my commerce blockmates in BITS. My original blockmates (who are in their graduating year) and my current commerce blockmates supported me (perhaps they were relieved that I wasn’t a threat to them anymore as one of them said that some of my classmates were scared that I was going to take over that presidential position - which would be weird that an ‘outsider’ will take over the leadership position). True enough the one who I thought would go against me was the one who indeed was the one going to run against me as the president of Envisoc.

During the campaign period, I just knew I had to hope and pray that God would give me a chance. During that time it happened that my Corporate Communications professor required us to create a speech as one of his assignments. It was perfect timing as I could use that speech as part of my assignment and also use it as part of our campaign speech. I just knew I had to double or probably triple the effort. It was nice that my original blockmates were very supportive. They knew how it feels like when you are going to go against someone who opponents felt were outsiders - and I knew their story too. It was a hard-fought battle and they eventually got all the positions they wanted in their academic organization. So what they did allowed me to realize that there is hope - hope that anything is possible.

The day has come when we have to say our speech during that General Assembly. It was nerve-wracking, but seeing who was running for which position, I knew I had to create an alliance - like they said when minorities join together, you can put up a fight against the majority. I wouldn’t mind if they will help me lead as I somehow know them already. So we all end up mentioning each other’s names during our respective speeches to show solidarity for the minority group to vote for us together. After my speech, what was surprising was that my opponent somewhat conceded that the members should vote for me instead. As much as it would have relieved you, it’s a majority vote. People would still feel she deserves it more than me or it could mean to lower my guard on seeing her as a threat. Anything could happen on that one fateful electoral vote.

In the end, everything fell into my favor - I won the elections and my two vice presidents that I wanted to be on my team also won. Although they said when running for a presidential position, there should be no cushions allowed, the one I beat would eventually be the one who would replace me as a Treasurer of the organization. I’m glad she was able to secure a slot in our organization by running for two different positions. I would honestly say it would be very unfortunate for either one of us whoever lost the election because I can say both of us are capable officers. Same to those people who end up losing major elections.

I guess you would say that sometimes you don’t know where life leads you. Looking back, I realized that extending your stay in school for one year was what I needed in order to experience and enjoy my college life to the fullest. God knows that I wouldn't be a lazy student who would fail her classes, so He did something else that is out of my control and it’s something that my parents wouldn’t be mad at me for. Yes it was sometimes difficult to explain during those 2.5 years why I still cannot finish. I’m like a broken record saying the same things over and over again to those people asking when I will graduate. It doesn’t even help when your high school friends have already finished their degrees and are trying to live their life outside the four walls of the school while you are still stuck in books and PowerPoint slides.

I remember when my mom gave me that paper saying make the most of my last school year. I can say I did. Aside from being the organization president, I could say that I did well - well enough that I was able to sustain on being a top 10 president among all the student leaders. Then I got to be a Dean’s lister, got interviewed for a school newspaper, and perhaps a lot of things that I would really cherish.

I am happy that I made the right decision to choose to put all eggs in one basket and fight by gunning the presidential position that your heart leads you. It may not have been nice on the resume that you are a leader of an interest organization (and not an academic position), buy hey I got to be the top 10 president for that year. It was not bad to place it in your resume too.

The best part? I get to know the awesome people I am working with at the only company that I know ever since graduation. Imagine when the only time my company became aggressive in school job fairs outside of that green school was during my 6th year in school. Imagine if I didn’t get delayed, I wouldn’t probably know that such a company exist. I wouldn’t know that there are people inside that company that I would eventually create a strong rapport with.

So I guess I could say irrationality indeed turned into a blessing.

Saturday, January 6, 2024

Academe’s Land of Elites

This blog is a spinoff from another blog entitled Social Etiquette ≠ Feel Good. To get an idea what this blog is all about, check the previous blog here.

Two decades ago, during those times I was experiencing one of my worst personal struggles in the Land of Masses of the academe world (not first or star section) in terms of socialization and peer pressure wise, I knew that I am above average in terms of my intelligence compared with my peers on that land and also studious too. However, those things weren't enough to help me belong to the academy's Land of Elites (first or star section).

Then I started to probably reflect on the time when it was a bizarre transition for me starting my 6th grade where my constant friend and classmate and I went into different groups, but still under the land of masses albeit divided into two or three sections (depending on the student population that school year). While I was in my own section, I was able to befriend a newcomer from another kingdom (another school) that joined our group. Fast forward when we had to transition to high school, this new friend I made was smart, intelligent and studious enough that she now belonged to the Academe’s Land of Elites while I still remained at Land of the Masses.

Now back to my Freshmen high school where the administrators and head did not made me and my then constant classmate and friend together in one section at Land of the Masses once again (unless you both decided to excel so you could be together at Land of Elites), and two of my friends who are already now at the Land of Elites (the new student and another friend of ours since first grade). Fortunately, one of my friends who came back from another kingdom was my classmate in the Land of Masses. However, I’m not sure if her presence was enough to combat the constant chaos our peers were attacking towards me and two other peers of mine in that group.

At that point on and also looking at the first quarterly rankings on who would most likely belong to which land for the succeeding year, I realized although my scores are technically not qualified enough to belong to the Land of Elites, but since the school have to make sure that the students have to be equally distributed among sections, the top students who aren’t qualified scoring wise, would have a chance to belong to the Land of Elites. The tiny problem, I am almost there, but it wasn’t enough to qualify for the Land of Elites yet. Since a quarter means you have 4 attempts at trying to get better, that means I have to push myself harder - and for the first time, I had this motivation… Motivation not only to escape from the Land of Masses, but to experience how it feels like to belong to the Land of Elites. I remember I said by then, that the only way to escape the constant torture your peers were giving to you socially was to excel more academically because those people who made fun of me were way far to chase me there should I end up going there the following year. So my motivation - probably my only motivation in my whole high school life or entire academic life - was to go to the Land of Elites (the star section) the following year.

After three quarters and the constant taunting and teasing of my peers that affect your mental health, I finally made it to the Land of Elites the following year!!!


Academe’s Land of Elites…

A place where the best of the best were recognized yearly. A place where the perks and the privileges were given only to them… but only if they made sure that they can maintain their academics at a high level despite the looming threats of the borderline students that can penetrate the sacred land.

I admit being there was very foreign despite knowing that you are a citizen of the kingdom (school), but it’s just that you now belong to a new land… foreign land. I remember I was even shy to enter the hallways of my new world… Shy enough that I even asked one of my old friends who still remained in the Land of Elites to join me in entering the hallways of the said land…

It was fun for a while, as your constant friend in your younger years also belonged in the Land of Elites. How amazing was that?

However, the longer you stay in the new land, you realize that you don’t know anything about the own-made sacred rules of the Land of Elites. Because you are new in their world, you literally have zero idea of what is going on or what are the unspoken rules of the said land. You thought that what you were doing in the land of the masses can be duplicated in the land of the elites…

Until you realized that being in the Land of Elites would put your sanity into a bigger test. This world is a different animal compared to the Land of Masses as some of the lower tier elite people would say. You can aim to become top in the Land of the Masses group and people there would not care… but when you bring that same mentality to the Land of Elites… THEY NOTICE. You may not be perceived as a threat to attack the very top intellectually (honor students), (hey! I am not insane to go against them too. 😂) but if you are trying to penetrate that part of the land where it would give you an opportunity to stand out in front of the council (school administrator and teachers) despite underperforming intellectually based on the Land’s standards such as gunning for the leadership positions over the kingdom (aka being an organization president), these intellectually gifted people (honor students), together with their lower-tiered minions (who also aims to get leadership positions) would gang up and try to pull you down, wreck your character until you chose to give up which would mean lesser competition for them to deal with.

Now I know why some bottom tiered peers of mine and the friends I formed in the Land of Masses but are now also in this new found kingdom kept on telling me to know my role… Know my role in the sense that I shouldn’t attempt to get or obtain something that was reserved to the friends of the intellectually gifted people. That you should learn to be content in having the privilege to belong in the said land despite only getting scraps from the top ones. I am aware in the sense that I am not going to take something away from the intellectually gifted citizens of the land - I knew my place. However, saying that I shouldn’t also attempt to gun for the kingdom’s other leadership positions that are said to be reserved for the friends of the intellectually gifted citizens is crazier. The council never said that the said positions are only allowed to occupy by specific people, anybody can take the position whoever the council sees fit - following the land’s unspoken rules is insane.

Looking back, I thought I could escape the taunts I had received from the Land of Masses, turns out we (me and my two other peers who are victims of taunting) may be able to cut off the head of the snake by forcing the council to exile him out of the kingdom, but the rumors about us were able to penetrate the walls of the elitist land and this big snake was able to spread smaller snakes across the Land of Elites that are far more lethal and poisonous as these snakes will act as your ally in front, but they are going to invisibly kill you unknowingly if you are not alert.

Despite all these, there are two things for sure that my peers of both lands should know about me before our time is up on serving the kingdom as we are now all forced to find another kingdom to serve and live in and let the younger generation take over…

A. I was able to leave a mark - a positive mark that the council would remember and so does the younger generation of the kingdom all because I chose to be brave enough in going against the best of the best on taking one of the spots of the leadership positions in the kingdom even if your trusted friends didn’t believe you could do so.

B. I was able to get the same privilege as some of the intellectually gifted citizens of the elitist land because I took a chance to aim for one of the leadership positions and I was eventually trusted by the citizens to hold one of the leadership positions in one of the cities of the kingdom. This is to serve as a reminder that as long as the council didn’t say bottom dwellers of land of elites are not allowed to aspire to get the leadership positions, go ahead and aim for them. The intellectually gifted and their lower-tiered minions cannot stop you from achieving it, only you can - but if you allow them to do so.

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Social Etiquette ≠ Feel Good

On April 30, 2023 around 6pm ET, we saw the last game for the first round in the 2023 NBA Playoffs. The Golden State Warriors was the last team to book their slot in the Conference Semifinals by beating the Sacramento Kings in Game 7 with a score of 120-100.

As this series goes along, we see the drama keeps on unfolding and all types of emotions are present in the moment. Some people know how to act professional whether in victory or in defeat. However, some players may have a hard time dealing with the defeat and if you are not watching the series closely, you would create a narrative of the said player.

The player in question? Domantas Sabonis. I would admit he is my favorite player in the series regardless of what the talking heads say. Yes there are Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson or at least De’Aaron Fox to root for, but I still want to root for the Lithuanian Forward/Center from the Sacramento Kings even if Kevon Looney made him look like a fraud in this series for boxing out rebounds despite Sabonis leading the league in rebounds during the regular season.

I admit I was wondering why wouldn’t Sabonis shake any of their hands when they lost? Is he really like that whenever his team loses a game? I honestly shrugged it off until I saw on Twitter that Draymond Green said something on his own podcast where he called out Sabonis for not giving respect to the Warriors by not shaking their hands while praising Sabonis’ teammate De’Aaron Fox for being a professional as he shook their hands even if their team lost.

Various opinions came spewing after Draymond Green’s remarks of Sabonis not shaking any of the Warriors’ hands as a sign of professionalism or respect. For those who did not follow the series, it would look like Sabonis is not a good sport. However, people who watched the whole series and do not have rose-colored glasses knew that it was more than that. Like what he did was understandable if he does not like to shake any of the opposing players’ hands.

That series, Sabonis was not only the victim of Draymond Green’s inadvertent stomp on his chest that led to Green’s ejection and an eventual suspension for the next game (Haters may have said Domantas Sabonis held Green’s foot that led to the stomp - which by the way referees gave Sabonis a technical for that hold on Green’s foot.), but the whole Warriors organization claimed that Sabonis is using the ball as a weapon to push opponents. Imagine being accused of using the ball as a weapon to hurt opposing players? So you get stomped on, accused of unproven claims and these people expect you to shake their hands because they beat you fair and square?

Which made me remember that one incident I had when I was in first and second year high school. During my first year in high school, there was a male classmate who is a new student yet also the one who probably put my self worth at an all-time low and sort of became a laughingstock on our whole batch because of what he did by calling us and other two classmates of mine having a mental disorder because they all felt we act very weirdly to school society standards plus probably our inability to handle those teasing and their taunting with only our class adviser defending us. To cut the story short (probably in another blog), all three of us moved up to 2nd year with the two of us going to the star section that year while he ended up repeating that year after he repeated that made him end up the same batch as ours (but do not have any idea which year did he repeated from his previous school as he was a transfer student).

Then fast forward to my second year and his first year of high school still at the same school, he still called me that same name that haunted my freshmen year when I passed by him once. Then a few months after my sister passed away and when we crossed paths in the corridor, he said condolence to my sister’s death and extended his hand to shake and I accepted it.

You may be wondering what has this something to do with Sabonis? Well both of us were bullied while I may have succeeded and Sabonis lost, the difference was Sabonis admitted he doesn’t know how to respond after Draymond called him out for not shaking his hand but we should also know that Sabonis may know his boundaries and does not want to be disrespected further. So if approaching and congratulating them after his team lost to the Warriors may mean he is professional in the eyes of the public, but deep inside he might feel uneasy, disrespected and insulted. Meanwhile I on the other hand realized after you called me names, you are just going to shake my hand to send condolences as if nothing happened? Yes the bullying stopped, but I realized I was in a state of surprise and probably on autopilot that you should accept the condolence and handshake.

I realized, do I have to lose someone I truly love for this person to stop bullying me and make it look like he has a heart of compassion? Perhaps deep inside he knew that it might be technically useless to continue the insults he was spewing as the whole school knew about my sister’s incident on the day of the whole high school’s field trip and if he continued… people would further question his character. Also maybe… just maybe he might be secretly happy that I lost a part of me that he no longer needed to add more insult as losing her was far more painful than the insults he and some other batchmates of mine did against me. After all, nobody is expected to gracefully handle the loss of your sister, a friend and de-facto maid-of-honor on your wedding when you lost her on the eve of your 14th birthday right? So internal damage that they are secretly enjoying perhaps?

Well at least the consoling thing I did was I am not friends with him on Facebook no matter how many times he pops out of Facebook’s suggested list of friends.

To conclude, I think as much as professionalism is very very emphasized, we have to still prioritize our emotional state. Yes it may look like you are immature and cannot handle the situation properly, but at least you were able to express what needed to be expressed so that you would be able to move forward immediately. After all, why would we want to carry the burden that other people consider it lightly right?

Thursday, June 30, 2022

What If He was Meant to Win the Elections?

In a few hours, we would have our new president of the Republic of the Philippines. I know for certain that this does not sit well to millions of Filipinos who did not vote for Bong Bong Marcos and are scared that possibility of another dictatorship, further economic downfall and the trauma the victims of the Martial Law would once again resurface.

Some people might have scratched their head and said that why would the Filipino people allow such thing to happen to them. The advocates of Anti-Martial Law would have been thinking that isn't teaching and making the eyes of the younger generation or even the ones who are alive during the said era realize the harsh reality the Marcos Regime imposed on the nation. Are the people too brainwashed to the fact that they cannot see the reality that the Marcos Presidency Era killed and tortured millions of Filipinos? There are a lot of victims who already spoke against the said regime during their time yet they'll think why isn't it able to sink into the minds of the people. Why are people still unaware of the fact that they voted a monster who would do the same evil things as what his father had done to the nation?

However, 31 million votes for Bong Bong Marcos was too much. Even if all the voters who did not vote for him voted for Leni Robredo, it wasn't enough to dethrone him on getting the highest vote. Are the 31 million voters seeing something that we don't?

I then realized something days going towards election, what if he was supposed to win? Some might think, of course he would win because he gave grease money to the class C, D and E voters or they manipulated the election. I don't know if the claims are true or not but it is what it is - the results showed that he won.

Now back to the headline of my blog, why did I ask that "What if He Was Meant to Win?". As a trying to be more devout Catholic, I usually read the Bible Diaries 2022 (given to my dad, but my dad gave it to me) where the contents consisted of the 1st reading, Gospel and a short reflection. If I was busy or wanted to multi-task (although it's not proper as we have to focus solely in spending time with God), I just listen to Catholic Daily Reflections by John Paul Thomas on Spotify where only the Gospel mixed with reflection and a short prayer was the content. It happened a few days before election that I happened to be more devoted enough to read the Bible Diaries and I came across parts of Acts Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 which tells the story how Saul was trying to destroy the church until his conversion to be a follower of Jesus and spread the good news of the Lord.

You might say why the heck would you incorporate Bible to a son of dictator who might do the same things his father have done to the nation? Well, we know that Saul was a known persecutor of Church and anybody who believes in Jesus would be jailed until...

On his journey, as he was nearing Damascus, a light from the sky suddenly flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? He said, “Who are you, sir?” The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do. The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, for they heard the voice but could see no one. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him to Damascus. For three days he was unable to see, and he neither ate nor drank. (Acts 9:3-9) [1]

And then we continue to Acts 9:10-19 where Ananias, a disciple in Damascus, was told by the Lord to look for Saul to place his hands upon him so Saul could restore his sight. When Ananias showed his doubt by informing the Lord of the things Saul had done to His saints, what did the Lord say? 

"Go! This man is my chosen instrument to bring my name to the pagan nations and their kings, and the people of Israel as well. I myself will show him how much he will have to suffer for my name." (Acts 9: 15-16) [1]

Upon reading this, it made me wonder, why would God choose Saul then? Like of all people why would he choose a persecutor of church? Then I came across an article explaining why the Lord has chosen Saul. In the article of Matthews (1987), [2] I will quote what he stated below: 

"A person was needed who could bear the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to the gentiles in non-Jewish lands, who could withstand the criticism of his own countrymen (even in the Church), and who had the knowledge and training to teach both Jews and gentiles of all social levels throughout the Roman empire what the gospel of Jesus Christ really is and what man’s responsibility is concerning it. There were many who could do some of these, but Paul could do them all magnificently well.

Paul was born of Jewish Pharisee parents in Tarsus, a gentile city. His parents sent him to Jerusalem as a youth to become a rabbi. He was well acquainted with Jewish and gentile customs and beliefs. His father was a citizen of the Roman empire; how he acquired this is not known, but Paul inherited this citizenship from his father, which was a great aid to preaching in Roman areas. (See Acts 16:37–39; Acts 22:25–30.)

Paul spoke and wrote in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek, which gave him an indispensable cultural advantage living and teaching in the Mediterranean areas. He knew the Old Testament thoroughly, having learned it not only as a child at home and in the synagogue school at Tarsus, but also at the feet of Gamaliel in Jerusalem as a rabbinical trainee."

I know you'll say that Bong Bong Marcos was not even a college graduate. Why in the world would I compare Saul (then named Paul) to him? Simple, because although the non-college graduate may be true, some people still think that he is smart and has the capability to lead the country. After all it's been 36 years since the first Edsa Revolution, and people would ask how come there is still not progress if any family member of the Marcoses was not the President or Vice President during those 36 years?

Also this. Let's say you were alive during the times Saul persecute the church and you never heard that Saul could not see for days and heard that Ananias was able to restore his sight. It's just plain Saul spreading the good news of the Lord, would you believe him during the time that he already changed for good and he too is a believer of Jesus like you?

The reason I'm saying this because it is similar in the sense. If we go along with the narrative regarding what the Marcos regime did to the victims of Martial Law and Bong Bong Marcos, the son of the dictator who also won this year's elections would spread hope for our country to rise once again, would you also believe? I'm sure most of us would not. Perhaps some would even become hesitant like Ananias and other fellow believers.

So here is the thing, the only thing we could do now is to hope the impossible that Bong Bong Marcos would be true to himself that he would redeem the country without the need for the people to become haunted once again by what Martial Law, economic turmoil, unending gas price hike, etc. Perhaps, this is the time where we actually have to pray harder to God by entrusting Him that there is something good in store for us in this upcoming administration. Lastly, maybe we have to pray and hope differently. Because instead of hoping and praying that the incoming president be impeached or that we let our fears and anxiety get in our way, we probably should pray that he would do what is right for the country so that people would finally be given the justice and peace that they deserve.

Sources:

Monday, May 9, 2022

I am at Peace (in relation to Philippines' 2022 Elections)

As the voting for the May 2022 election already closed, stakeholders involved in the election would start to count and confirm the ballots as we await for the results of who will our next president be.


Different emotions are felt at this moment, some are praying that the one they voted would make it to be the change that they desired to be after the perceived hardships they've experienced in the current administration. Others are afraid that the son of a former president would rise once again and the trauma that the people experienced during the Martial Law would once again surface.

Personally, I was in mixed emotions from the time that candidates starts declaring their intention to run. There is fear, confusion, uncertainty that pertains to various candidates. Add to the fact that I'm making my own conspiracy theories because of the feelings that I'm experiencing. It also doesn't help when majority of people think this is a two-horse race while there are 10 candidates who are running for the same position. Add to the fact that when you told someone that you wouldn't vote for Candidate A, they assume you're voting for Candidate B that they truly despise or vise versa (e.g. you don't like Candidate B, so they think you are for Candidate A). For some out-of-place candidates, they are there either to try to make a change in their little ways or to give some masses a chance to vote for somebody else who were not considered part of the so-called "two-horse race".

For my part, I didn't vote for any of the top two candidates in the survey. I'm glad we're not following the system of the United States where there's only two viable candidates to choose from, because I might end up choosing my own poison (for some it might looked stupid - but that's my personal reasons that people in general may not understand).

For the candidate that I voted, some people may have said "you're just wasting your vote on somebody who's not going to win anyway, might as well cast your vote on a candidate that has a high chance of winning." or there are controversies surrounding this said candidate. You can even throw the idea of the campaign manager of this candidate is the one who's causing headaches - especially to the business sector. Lastly, people would be wondering, why don't you vote for the model candidate where this candidate has a good track record, really did something to make the country a better place, the person who businessmen loves having as a president so the economy would keep growing like what the previous president did?

And I think I got my answer on the last week leading to today's election... It all came from one tweet of a verified source with the candidate saying this will be the last time this candidate will run for a government office. In my weak intuition, I already know who's going to win - and yes, it's not the candidate I voted. Wasting my vote? Maybe not voting for this candidate might even be a bigger regret for me because this is the same candidate I wanted to vote for 2004 elections then except I was a minor back then.

That's why no matter what the results of this election would be, I know that I'll be in peace. I'll be in peace knowing that despite of a slim chance this candidate might win, I know that I wouldn't regret this vote. I am at peace knowing that my decision was not swayed by outside forces - no matter how credible or factual they are. Yes, other voters who vouch for other candidates might have to find ways to change your mind through their own convincing powers. I am at peace knowing that I did not bash other people nor prohibit their freedom of speech in choosing their favorite candidate while I did not sway them away from their preferred candidate. I am at peace knowing that I allowed them to give their own reason on why I should not choose their preferred candidate without them being afraid of whatever I would give rebuttal against the said candidate or not. I may had looked like a people pleaser whoever a very vocal person might be vouching for, but in the heated moment of huge political differences, that's the only way to get through a conversation without losing your own stand of being affected by other people's ridiculousness or guilt tripping.

Again, based on how the current situation unfolds, my mind knows who is going to win - it was not the candidate I voted for, but I know I can sleep at peace like the same people who voted for the candidate that I know that's going to win. I'm not going to regret this - not at all.



Nota Bene: Blog has been posted from another blogsite that I also owned last May 9, 2022.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Different Kinds of Groupmates

During first day of every class, the professor would ask the class to either group yourselves into smaller groups or by count off to determine your group. Regardless of the outcome of the groupings, the same question usually arise. How are you going to contribute to your group? If you were grouped according to your own free will, chances are you already know how each of you work in a group. However, there are also those so-called uncertain territory where despite the free will to choose, you still do not have any idea how your group members will operate.

During my stay in the MBA program, I think that there are at least three kinds of roles students perform upon when it comes to dealing with group works or reports. Initiator, Finisher, Follower and Loafers. Having these kinds of roles have its own advantages and disadvantages, and sometimes there are cases where you would be classifying yourself in any of them, but not more than one type at the same time and on the same subject.


A. The Initiator
The initiator is usually considered as an alpha group mate among his/her group mates. These types of people are most likely not a huge fan of procrastination as they would most likely not work well in a pressure-cooker situation or doing things at the deadliest deadline. An initiator can be classified into two types: Active and Passive.

Active Initiators are the ones who are very vocal and assertive in the sense they know how to direct their group. There may not be a consensus assigned leader, but the way they speak or direct the group, you know that you already have a leader without the need to protest against them. 

Passive Initiators on the other hand are the ones who will silently do their part especially when there is no consensus leader among their group. They will be the first ones to start doing the project until the other types of group mates will notice the progress.

Initiators can be considered "risk-takers" in the sense that they are not afraid to make mistakes. They may or may not be forced to be certain with what they are doing just so that they could at least somehow see progress in their group work.


B. The Finisher
The finishers are the opposite of Initiators. If initiators work well when time is on their side, finishers work well when time is against their side. These people usually classified as someone who can only be productive when time is against them. Also, they are also considered perfectionist in some form since there is a tendency that they will correct their group mate's input in the group in order to make the output better. Because they may have perfectionist tendencies, they will most likely not make the first move in contributing their ideas unless they see somebody else make the move. By observing that someone within their group already contributed, they can now use the ideas of their group mates, who placed their input first, as their basis on how to effectively place their input to their group and see if there is something they can improve upon based on the available information or data.



C. The Follower
They are usually cooperative for as long as instructions are given by the so-called leader in the group. If in case there is no clear leader in the group that gives or assigns tasks, they will not do anything unless they see somebody else takes the first step. However, whenever somebody took the first step in completing their group work, they will eventually do their part.

Since they are followers, the pacing depends on either the majority of his or her group mates or whether there is an alpha classmate who will take charge. If the pacing of the group is fast or if somebody already started contributing, there is a high probability that they will immediately do their part. Same goes if the pacing of the group is slow or if the group decides to procrastinate. People who chose this option could never dictate their group's pace unless they decided to take charge to become an initiator or finishers. 


D. The Loafer
Loafers are the type of people who either intentionally or unintentionally categorized themselves into depending on the situation. 

Unintentional Loafers are the ones who really have the intention to do their part before the deadline, but because of the mismatch of pacing from the initiator and other work-related stuffs that caused them to delay doing their part, they ended up being loafers. These type of people are usually genuinely remorseful that they did not do their part and would try to exhaust all possible ways to still help even if they already deemed a minor one. Such examples are volunteering to print the output or create a PowerPoint presentation to ease the burden of those who contributed a lot.

Intentional Loafers are obviously the ones who are really making excuses that looked like an unintentional loafer, but when you come to think of it they intentionally loaf. These types of people you technically do not want to be with since you are expected to exert more effort for the sake of submitting your group's output. Also, if these types of people know who they are dealing with (e.g. they are aware that they have a group mate who is grade or obligation-conscious), they can immediately make excuses of failing to contribute or making excuses such as work-related or the other subject they took is taking a toll on their time in doing their part for the group.


Knowing these kinds of groups, which one are you?